I always feel reflective around birthdays, anniversaries, and milestones. I am about to celebrate 6 years of marriage with my husband and it got me thinking about what I had learned since my wedding day. So without further ado I give you…

Six Things I have learned in Six years of Marriage:

1. Stuff gets real fast, there is a reason fairy tales cut off after the wedding, no one wants to see Cinderella and Prince Charming hashing out the budget.
2. Communication: learn about it. It’s not just talking.
3. Let go of your expectations, learn to work with what you got, not what you thought you got. 
4. Have kids if you want to re-learn about communication, but while you are exhausted.
5. Time spent apart to pursue things you each enjoy is a good thing for your relationship. 
6. Weekly time together aka a date night is important to reconnect and communicate, especially if you have kids.

All that I have learned about marriage in 6 years can be summed up in one word: communication. With each new change or challenge in our lives, my husband and I have had to talk it through. It’s not always easy, it’s sometimes difficult and awkward, but it’s a relief when we  done and feel closer together. 

What’s something that you have learned during your marriage?

Helping My Kids Through Transitions

Recently, I went back to work after staying home with my girls for the past 3 1/2 years. It is only a part-time job but it’s been a little bit of a rough transition for them since they had been used to having me around all the time. I wanted to do something special for them to know I still love them and think about them when I’m gone. I came up with a few things to help us used to me working again:

1. Before I go to work, I try to do something where I give them my full attention. The girls love to color, so we all get our coloring books and use “mommy’s special pencils.”

2. We read a book called The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, it’s about a little raccoon missing his mom when he goes to school. We do special goodbye kisses based on this book and it helps keep the tears at bay sometimes. 

3. I wrote them a little book about what I do at work, and how I miss them. They loved it!

Some days they still have a hard time with me leaving, but they really appreciate when I do these little things with them and remind me if I forget! 

Is there anything special you do to help your kids when they have a rough time being away from you?

A Letter about #AllLivesMatter

My dear white friends and family whom I love deeply,

I would like you to suspend your judgement and defenses for just a few minutes and be open to what I have to say here. Please. I know where you are coming from, I have been there, I am still there some days. We grew up with this thing called color-blindness. It’s where we were taught not to notice differences in each other, but to notice we are all the same, therefore all equal. This is deeply engrained within us. We don’t even have to think about it because it’s our first response whenever anyone points out differences in skin color. I know what you feel when you see the hashtag #blacklivesmatter. You’re defenses come up and immediately you think: that is false, we are all the same, therefore: #alllivesmatter. You are willing to get into arguments along this vein of all lives matter because that’s what we have been taught. That is what we preach, what we teach to our kids, what our parents and school teachers have taught to us. Slavery was abolished, the civil rights movement happened, we are good now because we made everyone the same.

 BUT that is not actually what we live out…we can’t help but notice the differences. We notice them and since we have been taught that all people are the same, we shroud the differences in secrecy because the socially acceptable thing is that we are all the same. We make comments and jokes and have suspicions amongst ourselves. We never seek out to know the differences, we make assumptions and create this culture of fear (whether intentional or not). None of this is to judge you, I thought this way too. I know that if what I am saying is true, you feel like the enemy here, because you are white. Please realize this: we don’t have to be the enemy, we can be an ally. We can acknowledge what’s going on and be an ally. We only become an enemy if we choose to ignore what’s happening. 

But we can’t ignore what’s happening anymore, especially if we are followers of Christ. Our black brothers and sisters in Christ are hurting. They are afraid for their lives, for their sons lives, for their brother’s lives, their husband’s lives. The Bible says to “Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2) So let’s listen to what our brothers and sisters are saying, let’s carry this burden with them! I know that it sucks to acknowledge this, and to know that our race has been responsible for a considerable amount of  oppression, but let’s break this cycle. Let it end with our generation. Please. 

I know that some of you will still disagree with me, but I hope that you know that I love you and I don’t want to disrespect you. I just want to make you think. 

And to my black friends and neighbors, I hope I didn't disrespect you with this. I hope that you know that I want to carry this burden with you. 

With hope,

Megan